Josh,
Your mother and I are both very disappointed in you. I asked you to interview me. You deleted my request. I asked again and invoked the blogger’s code (you know that you’re required to interview me). But again you denied my humble request. Plus, you got snippy. But will I stoop to that? Oh no. Not me. I’m taking my ball and going home. Please return my ring and all my letters. And don’t even think of asking me to sign your yearbook, cuz I’ll just write something rude (frowny bracket).
So now Nate and I are starting our own interview chain and our own interview rules. Here’s how it works:
Super Cool Blog Interview
1. If you want to be interviewed, post a comment to Ben Merkle’s blog http://nsablogs.com/mememe/ or Nate Wilson’s blog http://nsablogs.com/moimoimoi/ saying “Interview me, interview me, interview me. I am worthy. I won’t Meltdown.” Those exact words must be used.
2. Then we will send you five questions within one week, which you will answer and then post to your blog. You must post an additional copy of your interview as a comment to http://www.chattablogs.com/unclejosh It doesn’t matter what you’re commenting on. Post it anywhere. Don’t worry, he’ll just delete it. And he’ll appreciate all those extra hits on his blog.
3. When you post your interview, you must copy and paste these rules to the bottom of your interview.
Here’s my Interview. Nate Wilson asked the questions.
1. If you could rename any blog what would it be?
Berek Smith has a killer blog, but he just calls it Berek Qinah Smith. The name is too obvious. He needs something more subtle. He needs a new name that has layers of meaning. I would like to rename it “Kevin.”
2. When was the last time you tried to appear thoughtful? Did it work?
Well I was delivering a final earlier and I started to daydream. I had no idea what the student had been saying. So I just sneered at her and said, “Uber-tripe." She burst into tears and apologized for not being smart enough for me. So I think it worked pretty well.
3. Has your marriage improved since you began communicating with your wife via blog?
I wish I could say “yes.” But I have to admit that it has been rough. In particular, she keeps reading irony into my blogs. She thinks that I am mocking the genre and pointing out the obsession of self-importance in the midst of utter obscurity. When actually, I’m taking myself very seriously and desperately trying to demonstrate my own intellectual viability. I so want to belong. Quit knocking me Bekah!
4. Which Beat poet most ripped off your personality?
Well he isn’t really a “Beat” poet. But he is certainly a poet. He's a life poet. It’s Kevin Bacon. Particularly, I’m thinking of that scene in Footloose, where he’s really mad at everyone that won’t let him listen to rock music and they won’t let him dance. And so he goes out to the grain silo, or warehouse, or train station , or something, it doesn’t really matter. What matters is that he turns up the music really loud and dances all over the place. Real angry-like dancing. That’s me. I mean it was pretty much a scene taken straight out of my life. I totally do that all the time.
5. Did your father ever teach you to throw? Why did you stop?
Shut up Nate! Just leave me alone. I don’t need you! I don’t need any of you! I could have friends if I wanted them. I can Google myself a friend whenever I want one. Leave me alone!
Posted by benmerkle at October 9, 2003 07:12 PMLeave witty little comments in this section. Here. I'll start us.
Ben Merkle, you are a prick beyond comprehension. Why? You know why!
Okay. Now your turn
I would love to take the bait, but you don't know me. How would you know what to ask?
I, on the other hand, feel like I have an intimate knowledge of you, having read your blog for a whole week.
In an attempt to get know you on a better, deeper level, (a level made even more intimate by the fact that we are not required to share anything like the same physical space with one another*), I would love the opportunity to interview you, if I may be so bold.
1. What is it like to be a depressed, lonely, pious, witty, artsy kind of guy in your own terribly oppressive church situation? Which of your elders in particular would you like to publicly criticize? How do you compare that to my own terribly oppressive church situation? Which of my elders would you like to publicly criticize?
2. Doug Wilson: bastard or sunuvabitch? Expound on how you think his parents would respond to either one of those titles.
3. How do you pronounce "rural"? Do you say rur-al or do you run it all together and say rerl? Say it a few times. Pretty funny isn't it? Okay, here's the real question, how many times can you fit the word "blog" into a single sentence?
4. When did you finally realize that you had what it takes to be a blogger? What made you decide to make that dream a reality?
5. When you get down to it, II Corinthians was nothing more than another one of the Apostle Paul's long-winded pedantic blog posts. If your blog was a book of the Bible, what book would that be? Which of your blog posts do you believe to be the most inspired?
*I find it much easier to build meaningful relationships with people when I don't have to look at them, smell them or hear them smacking when they eat. In addition, my online friends never ask to borrow my truck, nor do they ever ask me to come over to their house to help them move heavy objects in exchange for pizza. My real life friend does that all the time. I hope you understand and can accept why I feel this way.
An open letter to Ben:
In all seriousness man, I would please like to know what your deal is. I have deleted your comments because I did not wish to get into a war of words with you. I have tried as hard as I could to stay out of this completely, and you continue to drag me into it. If you could email me or let me know why you have continually attacked me in this way, I would very much appreciate it. I lived in Moscow for three years, going to NSA one of them, and attended Christ Church in good standing. I now attend Auburn Avenue Presbyterian Church, where Steve Wilkins is the pastor, in good standing. To my knowledge, I have not spoken with you or Nate in at least two years, so in all honesty, and without sarcasm, I would just appreciate a reply as to why you feel compelled to do all of this.
Sincerely,
Josh Melton
I agree with Mr. Melton completely. What the heck is the point of making fun of another person in the way that you're doing? If you think he's being stupid, tell him, don't sit on a website and make snide comments.
Besides, your "make-fun-of-blogs" joke has overstayed its welcome. Yes, it was funny at first, but so was Don Quioxte. Then he kept going on adventures, and everyone groaned.
Posted by: Uncle Josh's Ally at October 10, 2003 07:55 AMUm...I think he is picking on you because your blog is called "Crash Into Me". Sounds like an invitation to me!
Posted by: Mr, Obvious at October 10, 2003 08:18 AMTo the author of this blog site,
Proverbs 15:1 A gentle answer turns away wrath,
but a harsh word stirs up anger.
I don't know you in person but I do know how you are portraying yourself on your blog. You seem to have a very sharp tongue and don't know how to control it. Please remember that we are all brothers in Christ and should be dealt with in a loving and CHARITABLE way.
Proverbs 15:33 The fear of the LORD teaches a man wisdom, and humility comes before honor.
Posted by: JeniLiz at October 10, 2003 08:33 AMMr. Melton may have a stupid title for his blog from a less than honorable song, but is that a reason to publicly antagonize and make fun of him?
Oh, wait, we're Christians. So we can ...
Posted by: Uncle Josh's Ally at October 10, 2003 09:12 AMhey now. i like the title of my blog. it's a great song from my favorite band, that invites people to come read my blog if they want to...or not, it's no big deal. but that is a whole other debate. what the heck does a blog title have to do with any of this?
Posted by: UJ at October 10, 2003 09:43 AMBen,
When you die, and others look back at your acomplishments and writings. Your family may see a great son, a great husband, and a great father who loved the Lord and was a great example to model after as a Christian. But, I will only see sarcasm and immaturity. The delight to belittle others without the effect to further the Kingdom of God. There are a lot of people watching you and drawing conclusions. If your attempt is just to be funny, listen to some Jerry Clower tapes. He is funny. You are acting like someone who is lacking greatly in wisdom and education. Anyone can be sarcastic. Do something with your education, and change people by feeding them with your knowledge.
Being a member of Christ Church, I would expect more out of you than this. I hope this blog is just a weird attempt to funny. However, when you belittle other Christians it is not as funny as you may think.
Posted by: Helpful Words at October 10, 2003 09:59 AMIts seems like everyone is afraid to leave any personal info. If I wanted to agree with you and strike up conversation about a comment that you made I have no way of getting a hold of you. Are ya'll afraid of confrontation or just afraid of Merkle and his Brother-in-law. Boo! now wipe up the floor and change pants you pansies. Geesh!
Posted by: Troy at October 10, 2003 11:18 AMMan, Ben better get on here and defend his blogger pride soon. He is getting soooo torn up.
Posted by: Joshua Seth at October 10, 2003 11:36 AMNumber 4...The Kevin Bacon part of the above post...Is the single funniest thing I have read in a LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGG time.
Wow.
Posted by: Bill Colrus at October 10, 2003 02:30 PMok, dudes, I wud have asked for an interview had the rules not included posting the second half of the second rule ... if that may be excluded, b/c I don't really know uncle josh and I don't feel like insulting him for no reason on my part, I'll as that you "Interview me, interview me, interview me. I am [not] worthy. I won't Meltdown." *sigh* ... forgive forgive forgive ... forgiveness is only forgiveness when it is impossible to forgive. now, if we can't forgive bretheren, how can we forgive our enemies? ... but neways, I'm no saint.
Posted by: berek at October 10, 2003 08:44 PMI know you'll all get a good chuckle out of this, but you've offended me. I know it's hilarious, but my silly little feelings are hurt. I suppose that makes me intellectually inferior, deserving of ridicule and bullying - especially if I have the guts to leave my real name and blog address. I'm just asking for it, right? So be it. You take pot shots at people, you mock them for no other reason than your own entertainment. That goes for all the people out there laughing along who think this is all innocent fun. There are real people behind these little jabs. Don't think that Ben and Nathan are being funny in a broad sense, oh no, there are some specific innuendos and references in what they say even if you don't recognize them.
Even as I write this, I know I'm playing it exactly like you want. The more people who are offended, the louder you howl. Well, mission accomplished. You've successfully hurt many brothers, you've disillusioned an entire crowd about how things are done in Moscow, and you've managed to keep your followers amused. For now. I wonder who'll have to be sacrificed next on the altar of wit and parody to keep the audience happy?
I thought about keeping my comment to myself, just ignore them and they'll get bored and go away. I realize I take the chance of adding a little fuel to the justification fire, but I'll risk it. I want you to know, that you guys personally, have made me want to quit blogging. Not because I buy into all the megalomania crap, but because when there's a bully on the playground, nobody wants to be in range. You could have done this a thousand different ways. But you didn't.
Kudos, Gentlemen. You've made the rest of us bloggers look very foolish indeed.
Posted by: Shannon (bravely using her real info) at October 10, 2003 09:50 PMSheesh, sounds like most of you guys are whining about having their sacred cows knocked over. Give me a break. Go take some jello shots and sleep it off.
Posted by: Hooser at October 11, 2003 09:42 AMsomeone once said that parody is like throwing a rock into a pack of wolves. only the wolves that were hit by the rocks got ticked off.
Posted by: Rijel at October 11, 2003 10:02 AMWhat a stupid thing to say, Rijel. People are being singled out, some of them by name. That's why they got ticked off! This isn't Mr Wilson's generic rock-thrown-into-pack-of-wolves scenario.
And Hooser, you can keep your jello shots. The law of charity has been toppled, not sacred cows.
Posted by: jon amos at October 11, 2003 10:08 AMThanks for clearing that up for me JON, since you don't have a problem singling anyone out. I sure can't think of ANYONE else who's been singled out.
And am I the only one who detects a bit of irony in this: "What a stupid thing to say, -->Rijelname
Posted by: Hooser at October 11, 2003 10:34 AMThanks for clearing that up for me JON, since you don't have a problem singling anyone out. I sure can't think of ANYONE else who's been singled out.
And am I the only one who detects a bit of irony in this: "What a stupid thing to say, >Rijel. People are being singled out, some of them by >name. "
It's also interesting to note how relativistic the "law of charity" seems to be here.
(My last post accidently posted incomplete)
Posted by: Hooser at October 11, 2003 10:37 AMEveryone take a deep breath and imgaine poop skittles for just a moment. Thats funny isnt it...poop skittles. Im not sure if its the poop or the skittles thats funnier. How about pooping skittles, that might make me laugh if one day a handfull of skittles came out instead of the regular. I think I would refrain from tasting that rainbow, but at least it would sound cool as it hit the water.
Posted by: canada jim at October 11, 2003 11:23 AMYou're right, NO ONE else has been singled out. Just Jon, myself, Courtney Huntington, and pretty much anyone else Nate and Ben feel like bashing on any particular day. And Jon didn't single you out Hooser, you singled yourself out with your comment. Sacred cows? Packs of wolves? Pathetic.
Posted by: UJ at October 11, 2003 12:15 PMHere I go singling myself out again. So are you saying that people can single themselves out by there comments? Perhaps you weren't singled out after all. Perhaps you singled yourself out.
Posted by: Hooser at October 11, 2003 01:10 PMCourtney has a blog? Rad.
Posted by: natewilson at October 11, 2003 02:29 PMHooser, your logic and rhetoric are so compelling that you could probably become a junior fellow at NSA one day.
Addressing or responding to people in comments isn't singling them out. Comments can function like a two- (or more) way conversation. Mocking people in a post (all in the name of "good fun" or "idol bashing," whichever is the more convenient way to describe it at the time) is entirely different. Josh didn't even know about Ben's blog until he heard he had been linked in the phrase, "Damn I'm beautiful." That's what we mean by singling people out.
And yes, charity, like wisdom, can seem quite relative. Sorry to break it to you.
Posted by: jon amos at October 11, 2003 03:16 PMoopsie. i stupid. jon wiiiiise.
Posted by: Rijel at October 11, 2003 04:35 PMWow, this is getting nasty. I'm all for the Serrated Edge and so forth, but maybe it is time to stop the parodies and not worry about what others are doing on the Internet.
Posted by: Tim Enloe at October 11, 2003 05:17 PMI give up. It's not worth arguing people who don't know which hills are worth dying on. As for Nate and Ben, I respect y'all more for being able to laugh at all this crap, no matter how much crap it is. Kudos and Sayanara.
Posted by: Hooser at October 11, 2003 07:20 PMI still don't get the rock-throwing-at-dogs scenario. Maybe I am missinterpreting it, but it seems to give license to say whatever you want about a person and if they get offended, then that proves that they are guilty of your accusation. Can I call someones mother a prostitute and then accuse them of taking themselves too seriously if they get offeneded? Where do you draw the line? I am not trying to start an argument. I would really like to know this. It is getting hard to tell when one is being insulted and when one is being 'tested' for lack of a better word.
Posted by: Patrick at October 11, 2003 11:07 PMheh, no wonder bein ref0rm3d ain't enuff ... btw, ferg3t w0t I s3d 'bout wantin 2b interviewed ... I've ax3d sum1 else. :)
Posted by: berek at October 12, 2003 04:50 AMI love all y'all. Beer on me this friday at the Safari Pub in Chattanooga on St. Elmo Ave. There will be Karaoke and I plan on bustin' out "Foxy Lady" version 2.0
Uncle Josh will sing DMB's "Crash Into Me" and I plan on singing along, but only if it's half-way through my second pitcher. If you're lucky, I'll wear a mu-mu (no idea how to spell that) and at the line "hike up your skirt a little more" I'll do just that, if you're lucky.
But Ben & Nate you guys can't come. You have responsibilities to the written word that must be attended to, plus Chattanooga is a bit far from Moscow. Now, Spokane, that's might be alright, but we gotta stay connected to our roots after all.
Jon, you can come but you gotta keep your head down, and you hafta sing "A Minor Incident" by Badly Drawn Boy which most of we indie-music snobs should know, and if you dont' you can't be an indie snob, but you'll hafta sing it anyway. Oh, it's on the About A Boy soundtrack which you should know if you're gonna be an indie-movie snob.
Hooser I like you too, if only because your name is so close to "Hoosier" which, if you make the plural becomes "Hoosiers" which was an awesome movie. Gene Hackman in his finest pre-Unforgiven pre-Royal Tenembaums role. Heck...hmmm...for ye neo-Calvanist transformationalists out there I offer this schema for Gene Hackman films:
Hoosiers: Creation
Unforgiven: Fall
Royal Tenembaums: Redemption
Coincidence? You can bet your copy of "Reforming Marriage" it aint!
As for the rest of you all, well, Canada Jim is a border jumper, I dont know how to pronounce "Rijel" but that's only 'cause I didn't get a Creational Norm Classical education, and Patrick is into cyberpunk which is cool. Me, I'm into cyberprep, but I'm thinking about switchin' to cyberjock, cyberhippie, and mebbe even one day evolve into cyberhipster.
If you made it this far, I hope I didn't step on any toes, if I did trust it was not my intent to do so. I'm a firm believer in hugs and I say that without the slightest drip of sarcasm. Ask Lang or Andy: I'm hugging on them so much I make my wife jealous. So, if I hurt you, I will welcome you into my ample man boosom and you may, if you play your cards right, get to tickle my chin.
Posted by: JosiahQPorker at October 13, 2003 11:31 AMMy cat's breath smells like cat food.
Posted by: Cousin Davy at October 14, 2003 07:12 PMProfessors Nathan and Benji are trying desperately (and embarrassingly) to demonstrate that their respective nuts (ahem) don't fall far from Papa Wilson's tree. They should try to keep their serated edge sharpened on educational matters (leading our fine christian youth by their stellar examples) instead of taking immature swipes at individuals for pleasure's sake. (I wonder what they think about as they reach for the communion cup each week.)
Posted by: Fred at October 15, 2003 06:49 AM... because what you think about during communion is really what it is all about.
Remember the part of the Bible where Jesus says "this cup is the new testament in my blood: this think ye, as oft as ye think about it, in remembrance of me."? So yeah, there you have it.
In fact, if you really really think very very hard about it, you don't have to actually reach for the cup at all. You can just sit there while the little cups pass you by, because you have already done the most important part of the communion ceremony. Which is think. Think so hard that you can feel your eyes twitch a little bit and your sight blurs out around the edges. That kind of thinking.
Posted by: Duane at October 15, 2003 07:38 AM'leading our fine christian youth by their stellar examples'
They are, just for the record. I'll vouch for that. :)
Posted by: Kate at October 19, 2003 01:17 PMMan, you bloggers are the lamest group of people i think i have ever seen! I'm sorry, but, hooser, i'm ashamed to live in the same house as you....and i'm sure ben is ashamed to be your landlord! (BUT KEEP POSTING PICTURES WITH ME IN THEM ON YOUR SITE!!!)
seriously, the fact that i'm writting a comment on one of these lame blog deals is really wearing on my conscience right now, but i would like to say to all of you dorks that are getting your feelings hurt to chill out. jon, you too man. seriously, why can't a christian confront someone about cultural/sin issues in a more laid back way? why do we christians hafta be sooo up tight about EVERYTHING? these blog sites are lame! seriously! I don't know, but i must say, after checking out Ben and Nate's sights, i was cracking up and seeing some serious issues exposed at the same time. They could have posted some manifesto on the Christ Church website, that would have never been read, or they could poke a little fun at the issue, in an obscure website and get all these people riled up and thinking about it! by getting all in a tissy, you guys have successfully showed the world how uptight and ridiculous christians are once again. What a shame. (besides the fact that we are now partaking in the global tea and sympathy party.) I don't know, but the way i look at it, the guy with the red face and panties in a wad is the loser, every time! (ben, if i ever post something on here again, i expect you, as my christian brother, to confront me about it!)
p.s. YOUTH GROUP LEADERS RULE!!!
Posted by: Larson at October 28, 2003 01:57 AMDo you really believe they are confronting sin issues? Wake up. Maybe B & N just started poking fun at people for no apparent reason, other than they are assholes. And maybe you don't have a clue as to what you are talking about, being that you even admit you don't blog at all. Yeah, that sounds about right. Nice rhetoric by the way. I thought they actually TAUGHT that at NSA. I guess not.
Posted by: triumph the comic insult dog at October 29, 2003 08:44 AMDont you see they stopped blogging josh? Ok you win they suck you are awsome and smart too. Blogs are the best thing ever and you proved it by calling B & N assholes. Nice rhetoric by the way, I thought you would have learned that at NSA. I guess not.
Posted by: Stop Posting Already at November 4, 2003 09:41 AMamazing that I checked this blog just to see if anything is still going on, and I'm being dragged into it again. not that I care all that much, but unlike mr. "stop posting already" and "triumph the comic insult dog", i always leave my name and info, because it's cowardly not to. just thought y'all should know.
Posted by: Uncle Josh at November 6, 2003 06:53 AM